LoveBeav

My advice to all Bagel Lovers out there…

Here’s the setup: I’m in a coffee shop, ordering my delicious skim caramel latte when I see it. A fat, scrumptious bagel on display waiting to be eaten. I know I shouldn’t, but I didn’t eat breakfast yet, so I’m like “Yes, I will give in to your evil temptation, Bagel!”

I say to my coffee barista with confidence, “I would like That Bagel with cream cheese (MAGIC DELICIOUS) please.”

She says, “Would you like Regular or Fat Free?”

The words Fat Free jump out at me. Is this a compromise? Could I possibly have my scrumptious evil, delicious Bagel with Creamy Cheesy goodness that is also Fat Free?! It can’t be possible! This is another world.

I say, “Fat Free”, unaware of what is to happen next.

After I get my latte, Bagel, and Fat Free Cream Cheese, I get into my car and proceed to spread the Cream Cheese goodness onto my bagel.

“Bagel,” I say to myself, “prepare to be eaten.”

HOWEVER. As I place the Bagelly goodness in my mouth, something is awry. That supposed “Fat Free” Cream Cheese does not, in fact, taste like Creamy, Cheesy Goodness, as Regular, but like Tangy, Rotten Cat Vomit.

My bagel is ruined, and I am forced to eat the other half plain. My scrumptious breakfast plan soiled, the rest of my day was sub-par.

My advice to you, Bagel Lovers: Never, EVER get Fat Free. IT’S A CHEAP KNOCKOFF OF THE DELICIOUS HOLY FANTASMA THAT IS REGULAR CREAM CHEESE.

Never again.